Monday, November 26, 2007

The state of California doesn't want me to buy booze

I had a long hard day at work, and I'm out of booze (it was my 23rd birthday this past weekend). I went to the local Ralph's to buy some Captain Morgan's delicious god damned rum. I was denied.

Here's the back story.
I gave into this shit hole of a state a week ago when I went to apply for my California license. I'd hate to be shit out of luck when some foreigner year ends me in a year down in Hollywood and oh FUCK, still have a WI license. So anyway, I took the 36 or so question exam, got 3 wrong. Awesome I passed. Whatever. I ASSUMED I was going to get my new damn license, just the way it happens in Wisconsin. "Oh you need a new ID? Sick *takes picture*." Bam, 10 minutes later, a shiny new ID.

Well that's NOT how it works in California. I should have guessed there would be bullshit; which is the primary export of this piece of flame ridden garbage of a state. The whore at the counter took my Wisconsin license and PUNCHED A FUCKING HOLE IN IT RIGHT OVER MY BIRTH DATE. Then she printed out a ratty piece of paper, gave it to me, and said "your new license will be in your mailbox in two weeks."

I was horrified and speechless. I KNEW that the shitty piece of paper wouldn't hold up. It did for a while. It worked at several bars in Hollywood (the bars thought my hole punched ID was good enough), and it even worked at the Down show on Friday. Did it work at Ralph's Foods? FUCK NO!

While I was being denied the woman had the balls (to match her moustache) to tell me that the piece of paper would probably work if I got pulled over. So the piece of paper certified and printed by the DMV is good enough for the LAPD but not good enough for Ralph's? What a joke!

I'm still waiting for my new ID.

1 comment:

chaosAT said...

I believe this story thus far has made me physically laugh out loud, and hate DMV's nationwide just a little more than usual.

I'm now depressed towards getting a New York license. Shit.