I watched American Gladiators tonight, as I was obsessed with the original and am extremely susceptible to shitty programming. A few thoughts...
A) Hulk Hogan works as one of the hosts, but the other host sucks. I think its Muhammad Ali's daughter? Her voice is deeper than mine and her arms are as big as my legs. I would rather see a mindless hot chick that at least allows me to visualize the unspeakable deeds I would perform on her behind closed doors. If not a hot chick, a washed up has-been NFL player would work as well...preferably someone with a serious drug habit that needs cash.
B) I want to have sex with Crush...even though my penis would be no match for her muscular vagina.
C) What's with the homo-erotic uniforms some of the gladiators are wearing? I prefer some uniformity when it comes to uniforms. Hence the similarity in the two words uniform and uniformity. Go back to the old-school shit...decked out wrestler singlets. Also,the islander gladiator's traditional garb looks about American as Alanis Morissette.
D) All of the male competitors are monster tools. These are the guys that put control paste in their hair and cologne on their classic wife beater before they work out. I guarantee Nickelback is bumping on their iPod while they are "totally blasting their pecs."
E) The female competitors compelled me to start a large campaign to end women's suffrage. If being annoying resulted in extra points, some of these women would have a substantial head start on the Eliminator.
F) Wolf is awesome. I can't help but think they give him massive loads of HGH during set changes...also, I think I saw him eat like 4 babies during the ladies jousting competition. I am sure he is some washed-up pro wrestler that can't hold a steady job, but he is the only gladiator with real character, and he is a classic tribute to the supreme shit-bags like Nitro and Malibu that littered the original series. This show was known for bad hair back when bad hair was a way of life...but Wolf's split ends, poor hygiene, and abysmal grooming is a timeless tribute to Malibu's much coveted permed-mullet.
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